i grow old
i grow old
i shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled
do i dare to buy a 1000 dollars worth of stocks?

of course not!
for most of my life, i've suffered from the not-fitting-in syndrome... and sadistically loving it.


emotional growth = not caring
looking back at this blog and my posts... sure i've had some major life changes... but i've had absolutely no emotional growth!
i kept dreaming that i was bleeding: To see blood in your dream, represents life, love, and passion as well as disappointments; To dream that you are bleeding or losing blood, signifies that you are suffering from exhaustion or that you are feeling emotionally drained

|||||so i took a few days off|||||

then i dreamt that i was flying over mountains: To dream that you are flying, signifies a sense of freedom where you had initially felt restricted and limited; Flying represents the dreamer's basic ambition; As a general guide, if you successfully maintained your flight at a low to medium height, you can expect to achieve your goal without much difficulty

|||||but then a wolf was jumping up and down trying to catch me in mid-air|||||


for this coming year

please reduce my feelings by half please

or show me how to do it myself

once again, let's analyze love/hate relationships...

we hate the ones we love the most, right?
cause they can hurt us the most, right?
but we love them the most, right?
so we can hate them the most when they hurt us, right?
so we have to keep them in our lives, right?
learn to let go
learn to let go
learn to let go
learn to let go
learn to let go


some days i feel like i wanna conquer the world
i feel all rock starish
ready to go out and get them

on other days
i say to myself
don't u remember u used to laugh at all the 30-somethings who were trying to be cool and hip when u were young?
if i don't stop running around
trying to keep everyone happy
and putting myself last
i'll crash and die one of these days
then i can get all the rest i want
i wanna be happy
i wanna be beautiful
i wanna be fulfilled
i wanna be successful
i wanna be everything
i wanna be nothing at times
i wanna be together
i wanna be alone
i wanna be true
i wanna be real
i wanna be loved
i wanna love
i wanna be popular
i wanna be left alone
i wanna be wild
i wanna be conservative
i wanna be normal
i wanna be abnormal
i wanna give
i wanna hold back
i wanna be everything
i wanna be nothing at times

there's just not enough time



i wanted it
i got it

feels good

regular paycheck
feels good
having a home
feels good
having someone to love/trust
feels good
having a few good friends
feels good
going to bed early
even that feels good

it all feels good
2 years ago tomorrow was my first day at this job... just out of curiosity, i went out and read all my posts from september of each year... amazing how much of ur creativity is shot by become stable in life!


how do u lose weight without dieting, exercising, or surgery?! i want to lose 20 lbs. but i love food, hate exercising and despise surgery! are there any side effects to speed??!


this movie is probably THE movie that instated the fear of big white movie screens in me... and any big old wall with no vertical end in sight for that matter...

i have no idea why all of a sudden i got the urge to see if i can find it... apparently it was made in 1967 and in translation the name of the movie was "hobAb"... they gave you some sort of 3D glasses upon entering the theater to watch the movie with... the images were terrifying and the concept of the bubble surrounding the city was just so frightening to me...

i'm still afraid of reaching the end of stuff... like remember that truman movie with jim carrey? when he got on that big old boat and went to the middle of the ocean only to find that at the end of the ocean there was this big old wall?! SCAAAAARY!

i don't remember much of hobAb... i was really young when we went to see it... i think the only reason we went was because there was this big buzz about a 3D movie being out... what i remember though is that at the end of the movie it started raining in that damn city... i guess it's good to remember the good things too...


i bought a 4-door... a sedan... in the very ordinary silver color... i ordered checks too... from walmart... in "secure blue"... i gave up my DC comics action figure checks... i'm also considering moving to arizona... from the liberal SF bay area...

never in a million years did i think being conservative would feel so good... rebellion is all in the heart i guess... i don't feel like proving it anymore...