10.26.2004

in the 18 years i've been in the states, i don't think i've seen more good looking attractive young people than i saw in the 3 weeks i was in tehran!
i was so content before i left for tehran... a good life, a good job, a car to drive, a place to live, good friends, fun times...

now i'm back to the same old questions of: who am i? where do i belong? what does it all mean?

i was so waiting and ready for something/someone/some situation to ground me there, making me stay...
it wasn't until our 4th visit to the bakery on the lower level of jAmeh jam food court that the baker boy lifted his head and looked us in the eye--a good looking boy barely in his early 20s...

the first visit went something like this:

my cousin: excuse me, which one of ur breads stays fresh the longest, i'm going on a trip

baker boy: ... (tending to some other customers)

my cousin: excuse me, which one of ur breads stays fresh the longest, i'm going on a trip

baker boy: ... (going to the back of the bakery, ignoring us again)

my cousin: excuse me, which one of ur breads stays fresh the longest?!

baker boy: ... (passing us right by again and tending to some other customers)

my cousin: excuse me, which one of ur breads stays fresh the longest? (not only we're not angry but we're cracking up at this point)

baker boy: ... (writes a receipt and hands it to us)

me: i guess we should pay for whatever he's giving us?!

we pay and come back with the paid stub, the boy puts some bread of his choice in a plastic bag and hands it to us... no words are exchanged...

this last time not only did he look us in the eyes recognizing us, he smiled too...

this happens a lot in tehran.
i just went to withdraw some cash from the ATM after 3 weeks... it was the weirdest feeling!
the cab driver was handsome... one of those types that u see in hollywood... but with bad clothes, bad hair, a bad shave, and bad shoes... (ok, he was wearing sandals, i hate sandals!)...

he had enough confidence though... him and his beat up car both were confident enough to carry each other...

here's the scenario:

shift
right hand through right side of the semi-long hair
shift
right hand through left side of the semi-long hair
shift again
right hand through right side of the semi-long hair
shift

you get the picture

the funny part of this whole thing was that the stick shift's head had fallen off, so he was shifting with a bare stick! so much confidence!
last year my cousin amir was in tehran so we spent a lot of time together... this year he was in bam and i only saw him on the weekends so we tried to make the best of them... we would go out and drive around the streets with behrad blasting loud music, then off to exotic little hole-in-the-wall restaurants, then to the gallery where reza would make us turkish coffee and read out fortune...

then we would go home and stay up late browsing the internet, gossiping about family affairs, and watching six feet under...

as my uncle mamal proudly said we took up all his bad habits... and how good these habits felt...

the past 2 nights since i've been back i've had nightmares... last night i couldn't sleep after one, so i got up super early for my first day back to work... on the drive to work i felt this empty spot in the middle of my stomach... a big hole of nothing... crazy feeling...

khAk's gharibeh has a whole new meaning now... it made me cry all the way to work.

10.25.2004

i experienced loud music (system of a down to be exact) and drunkenness (vodka and apricot juice to be exact) in a pride (a kia model to be exact) in the crazy streets of tehran (one of the most amazing experiences of my life to be exact)
still in search of true love...

damn, i have no shame!
left tehran once more with a heavy heart

back alone with my independence

yeepy! how meaningful life can be.
i know.

and if u know too, then u know what i mean.

10.02.2004

"khasteh az in jodAyeeyam...
bizAr az in rahAyeeyam...
bi to begoo kojAyeeyam?
kojAyeeyam?
kojAyeeyam?"

meet my latest obsession: khAk

and download "gharibeh"
god, please protect my room from spiders while i'm away.

10.01.2004

i don't wanna leave
but i know if i leave i don't wanna come back
it should be a rule for people to buy a single family home before having kids!

it's not fair to kids OR the neighbors to let them loose in an apartment!
afraid of losing ur hair or gaining weight?

ask a woman and she'll tell u that the worst thing that can happen to a man is cowardice.