7.29.2004

i don't need this virtual space anymore... i'm ready to face life.

7.26.2004

u would think that after 5 years in a bumpy relationship it would be easy to make a decision

but think again
he acknowledged that his ex had lost so much weight
and that her hair looked nice

i didn't say anything 

but in the car ride home
he got upset
over a generic love song i'd written
i cried all through fahrenheit 9/11

and did want to break something afterwards
ultimatums.

yes or no?

7.21.2004

appropriately enough we bought a doormat that says: "GO AWAY"

now people will know that they've found the right apartment!

7.20.2004

i'm all into the white stripes again... boy that jack white can write... i think my problems hide in my curls too!
i feel a new period of disappointment coming on.
do u get up some mornings and just wanna dump everything and everyone around u and move to a new place far far away and start over again?  i do.
last episode of six feet under?
 
speechless
there are these stretches of time when my mind is empty... i wanna write, but there's nothing... i don't think it's that i'm happy and preoccupied... it's more like i'm indifferent... like i've accepted things the way they are... and this is the state of mind that i dislike the most... i'd rather complain and vent and get bashed about it than to fall into this state of indifference towards everything... this state of slumber... ... ... it's not that i don't notice things in these states... i do... every second... every minute... i take notice and i feel... but the words are not there to describe... i push and pull and reach but nothing... like how u cannot describe ur loved ones with words... just like that... a void of words... too close to them to put them together... too close to decipher the nouns and adjectives... too close to the commas and exclamation marks... too close for comfort... too close to just play...

7.15.2004

i think my dad thinks i'm a lesbian. 
 
that's ok... i think all my friends are gay!
my cousin has a boyfriend who has something in his blood that can make him explode unexpectedly at any given time... at dinner... in the shower... in bed... while driving...
 
apparently he had a wife who had the same thing and she exploded a while back... i don't know the circumstances of her explosion...
 
if i were my cousin, i would never invite him over to my house... can u imagine the mess he can leave behind??
pocket jingles
mind crinkles
i fear the new
u fear the worst
i fasten my pace
u race in disgrace
lettuce crunches
heroin launches
i reach my goal
u bend the rule
i make a list
u say civic part-
icipation makes peace
this should suffice
i bend out of shape
ur back turned away
i shrug my left shoulder
u carry a boulder
virgins suicide
calories collide
i dip my bread in oil
u grip the grape bold
i pour my heart under
u rage like fat thunder
contained alienation
all aliens in a nation
i go by in silence
u rally in private
i say it's ok maybe
u say that's not definitely

7.13.2004

nothing shittier than the low after a high... not that i'm willing to give up the highs
in the world of two-dimensional cardboard people, finding ones with third dimensions is always a pleasure
artists are sensitive and fragile
handle them with care
i feel a bit lonely again
after spending a long weekend with the husle and busle of LA
spending time with family
visiting friends
sipping apple martinis by the pool in the 90 degree weather
washing down bits of conversation with mexican beer
seeing all the familiar dark persian faces peeking out of every corner
recognizing u
hanging out at the persian book shops and grocery stores
walking on santa monica sand getting sunburned
watching my cousin's skinny 5 year old dining on chicken skin (his favorite)
accepting pickled garden tomatoes from my aunt to bring home
driving around the city streets with my parents...

i'm back in my empty apartment
trying to go to sleep
but all the imagery is keeping me awake
and i daydream about the next trip

7.08.2004

does anyone "personally" know any rock bands in iran?! if so, e-mail me or be e-mailed! i need u!

7.07.2004

i just recently found (through conjoint analysis) that i'm a lot more into looks than i care to admit.

while most women paid attention to money and class in the analysis, i picked the tallest blue-collar worker!

who says women are rational when it comes to choosing a mate?! all u poor losers, here i am!

(yet another politically incorrect statement brought to u by ur unfriendly upper echelon patron)
my new obsession? sally grant! remember her? she was promoted to CIO last week.

what a woman!

i want to be sally grant.

7.06.2004

can't even tell u how i feel about this:



it's a collaboration between webgard, avideh, pendar and myself...

it's such an honor to work with such an amazingly talented group... we should start a publishing company guys! :-)

7.04.2004

see
u get used to everything
u get used to the facts of rejection
u get used to misunderstandings
u get used to judgements
u get used to being away from ur parents
u get used to ur new place
u get used to being lonely
u get used to spiders even
u get used to anything and everything
us humans do that u know
and then everything becomes monotone again
and boring
so what do u do?
gravitate to the extremes?
just to spice it up?
just to make it exciting?
just to make it through another day?
just to think that there's something more to it?
just to fool urself?

maybe.

and what's wrong with that?

7.03.2004

all i know
is that we say a lot of things
we think a lot of things
we have opinions
we have biases
and these words come out of us
in the form of expression
but
when it really comes down to it
we may or may not abide by those words
nothing is guaranteed
nothing is for sure
just because we say it
doesn't mean we mean it

so why don't u just take words
for what they are at the moment
for what they mean at the moment
and enjoy them then
and then forget them
and don't think anything of them
when the time comes to act
and certainly
don't get upset
with the discrepencies