5.27.2004

i've started this and i don't know how to end it:


like a slow fast forward
like a bird's feeding frenzy
sunflower here
corn there
water, feather
essential
oils of the orient flowers
exotic
dripping
on smooth surface
running heavy
down the marble-
like texture of
sensitized skin
down to the hidden crevices
creased with sweat
sticky like fear
damp like anticipation
a hand raised
fist under chin
pillowy caress
of fat fingers
resisting grave thoughts

(it was here that i was born fast
dropped like an egg
into the cloud
that rained consciousness
hands reached
grabbed me
spreading my soul on a cross
of not religion
but algebra)

knees knocked
against the headboard
awoke separation
of sense and matter
skin and stone
sight and scene
sound and stereo
affected
like infection
yellow with lust
with liquor's
stumbling steps
dizzy infinity
circling friends
reaching out
once again

(in the cold i sat
on the sand
naked to the thoughts
the center empty
of promises once
so close
burying toes
to reach dampness
impressed
with longevity
of blood
in veins)

dragging feet
plastic heels
polished and brushed
nails in pink
route 66
tiger claw tips
ready to rip
sparkling ring
spotless intelligence grips
highlighted words
forgotten
immortality
"i didn't want it
to end this way
but it did"

(dark motel shadowed
back to the wall
cigarette in palm
smoke floats up
nostrils tight
lips clenched
deep in height
patiently waiting
for tears to drown)

this is where it begins
this is where it ends
this is where comprehension
hangs
and falls
connections fail
amongst the trees
of pleasant hills
the northeast

(where are these faces going
what is it like
do they have hope
in their lives
behind those
sleepy eyes)

"hope lingers
in the layers
of baked cake
with candles
as we celebrate
another year"

charmagne dancing
charmagne prancing
charmagne 80
charmagne in school
getting her phd
charmagne is one
charmagne goes on
estranged daughter
nowhere to be found
but charmagne goes on

rich experiences
rich thoughts
rich husbands
rich days
richer nights
seeking comfort
in rich chocolate
sauce
camouflage thighs
struggling to journey
camouflage lives

...

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