definitely watch the movie: bArAn

definitely watch the movie: white oleander

don't forget 'adaptation'
hey kids! (yani bachehA!)... did u know that nora jones is ravi shankar's daughter?!


btw... less than 23 days left now and i don't even know if i can go...
how boring, ha?

haven't been reading... haven't been writing...

i'll do both one of these days...

right now i don't have enough hours in a day and when i do i sleep!

but i've been thinking about u guys... really... i have...


i have sooo much to write

but i'm lazy and drunk

read this for now...


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what can i say? it's a fun toy :-D

and we were out with friends partying like it was my b'day and sipping on bacardi like it was my b'day! go go go go...


read from "the orchid thief"

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"A collector who wants one of every orchid species on earth will certainly die before even coming close."


IF you're going to read all the nonsense i've posted, read from bottom up...
March 24, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

Today is the last day we are writing journals. We have to celebrate because I hate you, journal. You are so boring. Whey do I always have to write in you anyway? huh? answer me!

It's one of those days that I'm so happy. I want to fly! The weather is so good. Spring vacations are coming. My friend is coming here soon. My God, I don't know what to do. But, one thing is bothering me and I can't write it in you. You know, it's secret and if anybody read it… it won't be a secret anymore. The only one who knows it is my cousin. And by now, he has probably forgotten it. If that problem was solved too, my happiness was completer than complete!!! As a matter of fact, I think I like you journal!!!!!
March 23, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

Friday was our new year. We went to my cousin's house. It wasn't fun though. I had better new years in my own country. We all used to go to my grandma's house and we had lots of fun. But here, it's different. I can't go to my grandma's house anymore and that's too bad. I don't like it. Sometimes I miss Iran just a little bit. You know I have great memories from over there, with my relatives and friends, parties, going outs, good times, fun, etc. Here, they are all gone. I think my life has changed. I have changed. Not in a negative way of course. Life sometimes is difficult to handle. It keeps changing from time to time.
March 18, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

How others see me? Well, others mostly like me. But, they don't know my awful attitude. I get mad so fast and easy. I sometimes hate people. Sometimes I get so cruel etc. etc. etc…..

Anyway, with all these bad attitudes people like me!! That's weird, isn't it? How can you like an awful person like me? Sometimes I think I take advantage of my friends!! How? Well, I'm good to them when I need them! I don't know if it's true or not, but sometimes I just feel that way. Sometimes I hate myself because of my attitude. I really wonder how people like me!!!
March 2, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

March 5th is my BIRTHDAY, and I'm gonna be 18. I mean I'm going to finish my 18th year and I'm going to the 19th year of my life. Isn't that awful? I wish I could stay on 17. I don't want to get older. I hate that. You know I'm still a kid. I can't act like a 18 years old girl. It's so hard. It's like being old right away. Anyway, it's hard to get old. Although you get lots of presents, I don't like being old. You know, 17 + 16 were my best years. I really enjoyed them. They were pretty and they passed by so fast. I love school and I don't want to leave it. All the best times I had, had been in school with my friends. God, I can't ever forget them. Well, life is tough and you have to face the facts!
February 25, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

I'm so happy today! I'm usually happy, aren't I? Well, maybe it's because of my name. My name in Farsi means HAPPINESS!!! Maybe that's why I'm usually happy! When I feel so good all my friends love me, and I like that. But, when I get nervous and mad at something… God knows, I'll become the worst person at school. Everyone hate it when I get mad, because I really get mad! I get on other people's nerves too!!! But today, I'm so happy. I don't know why. Sometimes I just feel free and cool. I like to talk with people, I like to laugh. I like to do everything I like. That's cool. I like it when feel good about life.
February 20, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

I want to be a painter or a photographer in the future. I think I like photography better. I love photography. I want to become a famous photographer. Go out and take pictures of different subject. It's really fun, isn't it? Everyone will know me. All the magazines and newspapers want me to shoot pictures for them. All people will like my photography. My photographs will be the best seller ones. That going to be great. BUT, it's only a dream! I know it's not going to happen. Well, maybe with a little effort it becomes possible. Let's see!!!
February 18, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

I wish that all my wishes come true! That's a neat wish, isn't it? I know it's not possible, but it was great if it WAS possible! Then, I could have everything I want. Anyway, I can say that I have everything I want. Just think of people who don't have anything or nothing. When I think of them, I realize that I have everything and thanks god for all that. That's such a selfishness if you think you don't have anything, and keep grumbling and complaining all the time. That's just not right. It's not fair. I've never liked to be selfish and I don't like selfish people. That's the last word!
February 9, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

We have a four days vacation at the end of this week. I know this week is going to pass so fast. I haven't decided what I'm going to do yet, but I know that I'm going to have a good time. Everything seems to be O.K. I'm starting to work again and all that hopelessness seems like flying away. Everyone is encouraging me. That gives me lots of determination. I'm so happy that I can be what I want and I'm following a goal for my future. I really want to be a successful person. I mean that, and I'm going to get it. There's an expression in Farsi which says that you can get what you really want. And I'm going to get it!
February 6, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

Today is a great day. I received an award of excellence. My name was on the list of the five people who got a 4.0 G.P.A., and that was great. It really encouraged me. When I got the paper in my third period class, I was surprised. I didn't know what I'm supposed to do. I sat on the normal seats as anyone else did. I didn't want to sit in the middle of the gym. It was like being something different. But I was so glad inside. I could see the results of my efforts and that was very nice for me. Now, I'm going to try to be better.
February 5, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

I feel like I'm falling back! Instead of progressing each new day, I feel like I have to catch up with my classes. I know the feeling is not right. I have to prevent my mind feeling negative things going on. Because whenever I get disappointed, it prevents me to improve. It 's like a mental exhaustion. I always tell myself that I have to go on, I have to be good. I always tell myself that nothing is hard to achieve. You can have what you want if you really want it. But, lately something inside of me tells me that something is going wrong. I was better. It seems like I have loose my excitement about school or whatever it has been. Anyway, I'm going to overcome this feeling. I'll try!
February 3, 1987
James Logan High School, Union City, CA

I don't like my second period class. It's not boring or something, but I don't like it. I don't know, maybe it's just the beginning and I start to like it in a short time. Most of my classmates are juniors and they all participate in class discussions. Since I can't speak too much, or maybe I'm afraid to speak, I don't. My teacher is new and he doesn't know me. He may think I'm dumb or something. I'm so quiet while others speak and discuss thing sand even laugh. I don't see the courage in me to speak out. Sometimes I have the best things to say, but I won't. That's why I don't like my second period class. I hope I can change my opinion about it later, because I really hate it this way.
September 17, 1986
Birmingham High School, Los Angeles

One of my favorite places to go is Texas! I've never been to Texas before + I love to go there. Cause I like the lifestyle over there. When someone talks about Texas, it reminds me of cowboys, country music, horses and etc. I love country music and I always liked to wear clothes like cowboys. Boots, big hats, leather pieces… I like to ride horses too. Because I love animals + horse is one of the animals I like the most. It's faithful + when you look in its eyes you can see the faithfulness in there.

So as soon as possible I'm going to Texas + enjoy myself in the place I like!!!
September 16, 1986
Birmingham High School, Los Angeles

One of the special "BAD" memories that I can talk about is the war happening between IRAN + IRAQ. At first it didn't bother me or the other people living in my neighborhood or even people in Iran. But little by little it got high and they started throwing bombs on cities, on houses + where people lived. There wasn't a night they didn't come. The lights all went off + you knew that it's time for their arrival. Then sounds came. Loud + clear just like the airplanes are above you. Then the sound of bombs exploding somewhere. And it was finished. They were gone + we knew that the work was done. It wasn't the matter of fear, it was the sounds that was getting on everybody's nerves. Once a plane came + threw a bomb on a building which there was a birthday party in it + 30 children died. Just imagine.

The other day one of the students of my class asked the teacher if it's true that it's six years war between Iran + Iraq. My teacher smiled (!) + said that it's not exactly war, some planes come, throw a bomb and then again after a long time the other country will answer, then it's quiet for six months!!! Our teacher didn't even know what's happening in the other part of the world. That made me sad. You have to see a war to know what it is like, other wise you can never know about it + feel the same as the people of such country. So don't ever pretend to know everything. Because you can't unless you get close to it.
September 12, 1986
Birmingham High School, Los Angeles

My goals for this year can be very simple. I'm going to study hard for my college + to learn English very fast. This is very important for me, cause someday I really want to become some important person. Someone who can help people of every kind. Someone who really cares + someone useful for the community. For my people and my country. It doesn't matter how long it takes. I will never be disappointed. I will fight to get what I want. Something that totally satisfies me. So let's look forward to the future.
i dug up some old mandatory high school journals from 1986/1987 and i have to tell u that i didn't recognize myself! judge for urself...
btw... 46 days left...


today is 03/05/03

today is MY birthday


today is 03/03/03

today is my mom's birthday