so that's the difference between real writers and fake ones... real ones keep writing...

when i read all those old posts of mine... i wonder... where did i get all those words? and why is my head so empty now?

at the end of the work day, i look very forward to driving home to my husband and cozying up on the couch, watching tv, having dinner, telling a couple of jokes or get mad at little things for no reason

there's an incredible amount of comfort in this almost daily routine which words cannot describe (unless u're a very good poet or something)

saw "fast food nation"

at the moment i'm disturbed enough to set aside meat

however once the images of "kidney pulling," stunners, massive amounts of blood, and struggling cows subside in my head, i may be tempted to bite into a juicy hamburger or steak again

i hope not

i have maintained my sense of individuality after marriage

it's still a challenge to remember to sign greeting cards and mass emails from "us" rather than from "i"

this is working

i like that

i guess i can say that my creativity began with "pretty hate machine" and ended with "year zero"

i guess that would be appropriate

i guess i can accept that

recently i've found that i'm not much of a rock star

i have to find another excuse to act like one

my husband and i live in different worlds

occasionally our worlds overlap

i like that

six months of uninspiration

hope that's a good sign.

for all in search of webgard

we're starting the band again... it's been exciting practicing and interviewing new musicians... if i freak out again and question the status quo, u have the right to kick my ass and abuse me on my blog.

i thought about an old long lost friend from high school and she emailed me all of a sudden

i bought a big bag of dried mushrooms from costco and all of sudden there was a mushroom recipe on food tv

i wanted to be part of a project at work and all of a sudden i got included

this stuff happens all the time

do we make our own reality?

i didn't do much work today...

last night when i was getting ready to leave the office i kept hearing this chirping coming from the corner of our section... it was unusually loud... i walked over to the corner to see if a bird has come in and is trapped but i found that the noise was coming from the ceiling... i told a couple of coworkers and they said that there are lots of birds on the dock behind the building and that's probably where the noise was coming from... on my way out i told security and they said the same thing...

this morning the chirping was still there... i ignored it thinking it's the birds on the dock... late morning one of my coworkers who sits in that corner called me over... i guess a lot of people had noticed the chirping by then and had told the maintenance guys... i went over and sure enough the maintenance guy had a baby sparrow in a bucket asking me what to do with it...

my first instinct was to protect it... no one was interested or wanted to deal with the situation anyway... nobody really cared... everyone wanted to go back to work and have a normal nine to five day...

i took the bird...

i emailed a bunch of coworkers asking if any of them know anything about birds... no one got back... one person was so nice to come over and sympathize and offer to take it home after work and try to take care of it... but that was about it... people kept passing by my cube with interesting thoughts: bird whisperer, bird killer, it's gonna die, etc

i searched the internet for bird rescue places... i found a few contacts in the area and called and emailed... i kept getting voice mails... then i registered on this one site and asked for advice... on the site they had told other people in similar situations to leave the bird in the shrubs and let nature take its course... i went out to the dock with the bird... the bird was alert and looking around, but it didn't chirp to call the parents... i left it out there for a few minutes and then noticed some big pigeons hanging out on the dock... i took the bird back in...

i called the local bird store and told them the story... they said to keep it warm and give it moistened dry cat food... i left work and went to one market close by... they said they don't carry pet food... i went to a pet store a little farther and bought some dry cat food and an eyedropper... i thought it may come in handy...

i went back to work and tried to feed the bird in as many ways as possible... it would not eat... it would not open its beak at all... i had no idea how long this bird had not eaten for, but it would not eat...

i did some more research...

early afternoon my phone rang and it was one of the rescue places i had left a message for... she gave me a whole bunch of numbers to call and see if they will take the bird in... none of them were close... i call the one that i thought was the closest... jody from fallen feathers said that they will take the bird if someone takes it over to her place... i told her i'll leave work at five and will drop the bird off...

i tried feeding the bird again unsuccessfully and decided to leave work right away and take the bird there...

the place was far... i got lost... the bird was moving around in the box... i kept thinking it's dehydrated...

i finally found the place... jody's daughter a tomboyish girl answered the door and said i need to fill out a form... i filled out the form... the house was full of birds... all kinds... one parrot was saying something but i couldn't tell what... it was a happy messy place full of birds... while i was filling the form, the girl picked up the baby sparrow and held it in her fist... the sparrow started to chirp and she stuffed food in its mouth...

i thanked her immensely... she was very cool... i said goodbye and left and tried to find my way back...

on the way i called a coworker and gave her an update on the bird... i didn't turn on the music... i didn't feel like music...

i got home and sat and cried for a good 5 minutes, then i got up and cooked dinner...

as u get older, contrary to common belief, it's not about what u haven't achieved or how much money u haven't got... it's not about what crappy car u drive or that u're not where u thought u'll be in 5 years... it's not about the book u didn't write or that song u didn't sing...

it's about having lost that fire inside... that desire and inspiration... that drive and joy... that thing that moved u forward and didn't give up... that thing that made u wanna do all of the above...

it's about that.

i need to know who i am...

after 5 years of reading my crap, can u tell me who i am?

i finally saw 300... i'm one to always criticize petitions and say stop acting like victims... but this one was just way too ironic and hit too close to home and it even pissed me off... the timing and the current parallels that are implied are just too much for the movie to be coincidental... all through the movie i was thinking of this one poem my friend has written about iranians vs. persians and how the word iranian is associated with negative things such as terrorism and the axis of evil and persian is associated with rugs and cats and romanticism... well here we go... there goes the word persian for us too... now our widely glorified history is associated with ghoulish evil monsters led by an over sized power crazy god! it dawned on me why i always hated history... it's too open to interpretation!!!

i gave in and changed my template after 5 years... it pained me to lose your comments... but sometimes u just have to let go...

you know what i miss right now?

walking across the street to hayes valley after work and drinking a glass of ice cold beer on tap in a funky old bar full of character and characters... and then meeting up with friends for some tapas in a dimly lit place talking about whether we would kill hitler if we travelled back in time and met him by accident before he became who he became...

where is my john wayne?
where is my prairie son?
where is my happy ending?
where have all the [archives] gone???

i hate it when the toilet seat cover slips into the toilet before u get a chance to sit down

yes, my life is so stable right now that my only blog update is toilet related.

i refuse to write about the hardships of marriage... the good outweighs the bad... at least so far...